Mayday, Miss Marcy! Painting Purchases, Gifting Gaffes, and Moms Making Moves

Hello once again and welcome back to Mayday, Miss Marcy! in which I take your holiday wrapped presents, sprinkle them with a bit of Christmas magic, and then deliver them to you when you're sleeping so that you can open them in the morning for your answers. Last week, we tackled the question of whether Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Having put that debate firmly to rest, it is time to get on with the questions once again!

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Painting Purchase Panic

Dear Miss Marcy:

I'm starting to get into painting minis but everyone I ask for advice on what to buy seems to suggest something else, causing me to get overwhelmed and fast. I get that it's a heavily YMMV with various brands but it's so disorientating experience to have people tell me I need to start with speed/normal paints, or that I should be using a Wet/Dry pallete or I should be getting magnets or as much newspaper as possible to transport wet minis back and forth. I only have $150 left over from birthday funds to spend on self-gifts.... agh!

It's just too much to take in and I can't make an actual plan without someone else giving me more information to consider.

Sincerely, A trans woman into stompy robots and spinny skirts

Dear Stompy and Spinny,

Good to hear from you once again. And I'm glad to help you out a little bit, because you're right, there are numerous answers and numerous ways to approach the topic, and not all of them come from a consideration of complete beginners, access to numerous products, or even what is available locally or not. But you are right, a lot of time people don't often consider what level a person is at financially or familiarity wise when they start telling them what to do, and there are often a lot of people parroting what they heard a content creator say once.

I think the best advice I can give is that it will depend on how you want to actually paint, so let us divide this answer in two: Normal paints, and Contrast/Speed paints. Of course, the first step is getting brushes and a wet palette. If you are curious why everyone says to get one, it is because they help prolong the life of your paints, allowing you to have more control and longer time to use the paint, and requiring less paint per project by allowing it to stay wet longer. They aren't really made to keep your paints wet eternally, just longer, and it is a good tip to remember that the hobbying side of our, well, hobby, is closer to scale model painting or painting in general than it is gaming, so looking to art supply stores and tips from artists is a very good way to avoid wasting money, and wet palettes are "a hack" from art circles that benefits our use of (mostly) acrylic paints.

Anyway, if you want to use normal paint, then the best options you can pick up to start with is a can of black primer, a wet palette, and the main paints you need for the army/project you are working on (and, if you don't have any, some brushes). Dan's article about getting started is still a great place to go for the tools you might want, and our How to Paint Everything is very solid for telling you exactly what you would need for various schemes. Beyond that, it really boils down to what paints/tools you need and where you can source them from. If your LGS carries GW paints, and that's the most accessible to you, then pick up a few pots of paint that relate to your majority project (along with a few staples like black, a metallic silver, etc.). If your LGS carries something else like Army Painter, then go with that. If you have access to a hobby store that focuses on things like scale models and trains, you may even want to see what they carry in their paint section, with the caveat that some of those paints like Tamiya or Testors don't work exactly the same as GW and Army Painter acrylics.

If you have an art supply store nearby, you can often find wet palettes at them, and fairly cheap; places like Michaels (in the US) even often have coupons, but a local art supply store will also probably have them and have fairly lower prices; generally, you may want to look for stores where artists/art students are likely to shop, as you can often find brushes, palettes and tools there.

If you prefer to consider Contrast/Speed paints, my first suggestion is research the one you are going to buy, as they often have fairly differing opinions from people online about how well they dry, cover, or what type of priming you need to get the best results from them. While Contrast/Speed paints may seem like a fast and easy answer, they sometimes require a little more skill and available tools than regular painting (such as Zenithal priming or specific priming colors that can be harder to get generically). After that, pick up the colors you need and a bottle of thinning solution that matches the formula you have and give them a try. I still highly suggest a wet palette, and that is probably one of the best things you can pick up regardless and helps you prevent wasting your money on paints and using them up too quickly.

I also very much suggest you pick up a small tub of brush cleaner, generally the industry standard of "The Masters" Brush Cleaner (If you're worried about the extra expense, I have used the same small canister of it for nearly 6 years now). Prolonging the life of your tools will help you stretch your budget, and the most important and expensive things you'll ever buy are your brushes; paints will come and go, but brushes can be brutal to pick up if you are new.

I will offer a suggestion as we are currently in the holiday season: shop around at your LGS and gaming/hobby stores, and see what sort of sales are going on. While GW products rarely go on sale, LGS may run their own sales that can help you take advantage of small discounts for the holidays. Also, if you use the bulk of your leftover birthday money getting tools set up, if you have anyone asking you for gifts, point them to paints or paint sets and cut out of some of the red tape. And finally, sometimes name brands just carry larger price tags for the name, but other times, you pay for the quality you get.

Gifting Gone Wrong

Hello Miss Marcy,

I will keep this question short, and I hope it gets to you before the holidays are over. frankly, I am very bad at giving gifts. I am aware of this and looking for help, and i am trying to avoid just buying gift cards or handing people cash.

Is there anything you could offer me? I saw you talk about people making gift lists, but is it okay to just ask people for them? And if not, then what?

Thanks,

Gift me a hand

Dear Gift Me,

Boy that name sure is a pun. Anyway, I think the last thing you said is interesting and a key problem a lot of people have with gifts, both in giving and receiving. Asking people for things sometimes comes across as begging, crass, or charity, but if people don't know what to get you, you end up with tacky things that get thrown away at worst, or gift cards at best. And to be clear, there really isn't anything wrong with a gift card or cash if you give it in a way that shows you are being thoughtful; many times, handing people money as a gift needs to be accompanied with something that implies you have intent behind the money, such as, "Hope this helps you complete that Tyranid army!" or "Put this towards that board game table fund!", rather than just carelessly handing someone money in an envelope.

Because the thing about giving gifts is that it is supposed to be the thought behind them, not the actual item itself, that matters. And careless gifts are the worst, because they show that you didn't put any thought into them and that you treated the other person, well, thoughtlessly. If you ask for a gift list, you can be guaranteed to find something for them that you can get them, and if their list is full of things you can't afford, you can always give them something towards helping them pick up a thing from the list, or find something similar or adjacent to the list that you may not have thought of on your own. For example, I really love coffee, and coffee brewing is a favorite hobby and part of my day. In making a gift list, I often include various coffee brewer types, tools, and finally some various coffee brands and flavor profiles I like. But if all people know is "Marcy likes coffee", and don't ask me (or I don't tell them), I end up with stuff like a bag of Starbucks pre-ground coffee that ends up in the trash after I make one cup in front of them to go "mm, thanks!".

So certainly ask, ask, ask. That will improve your gift giving ten-fold, I promise. Whatever else your problem is with gifting you didn't say, but I think that it may just be that perhaps you are not being forward enough in asking people what they want, and thus you don't know what to get them, and probably resort to something at the last minute or something you last saw them do or talk about, which makes things hit or miss; so, to solve your problem, absolutely ask them what they would like. If they say nothing, feel free to get creative and go low-budget, low-effort; bring them a snack or drink or something at your next get together, make them a card, just something to show you care about them but without imposing a gift on them (and you).

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus at the LGS

Miss Marcy,

I actually wasn't sure if this question was appropriate for your column or not, but to preface this, I am in my thirties. My mother divorced when I was younger and I have lived with her for the majority of my life, and we have remained close as I got older.

Recently, she asked for a way to spend more time with me due to my work schedule and other things, and I invited her to my LGS for a board game night. sometimes we play games alone, other times we play with other players at the store.

If you can see where I'm going with this, I'll cut to it: my mom hooked up with one of the lgs regulars. they have gone on a few dates now, and I am happy she is socializing again, but it has made me a little uncomfortable. Since we are getting closer to Christmas, i am curious if this is going to impact our holidays at all or not.

I think my issue is that i am a little sad that the thing i shared with my mom might now be something out of my control, and also that we don't really go there 'together' now and that I sometimes feel like the third wheel. any advice?

not oedipal i swear

Dear Not,

I think that you are maturely trying to grapple with a situation that positions you in two different boxes: you are your mom's kid, and you and your mom are adult friends. The place you two were hanging out was "Mom and Kid" time, even if you are an adult, and now it is "Mom and Adult Friend" time, because the person your mother has been seeing is also invited (whether you want them to be or not), which is encroaching on what you had originally planned on being a way for her to spend time with you. My assumption here is that you would go to this LGS on your days off or weekends, and that inviting her was a way to combine the thing you wanted to do in your downtime with placating her desire to see you more often, and the end result is something that you didn't want, which is, plainly, that she doesn't entirely need you anymore to enjoy herself there.

I know that may sound harsh, so I'm going to quickly soothe you if it does: that's okay. Your mother sounds like she is perhaps lonely or looking for socialization, and as you mention being in your 30s, I assume you do not live with her anymore, and if you have no other siblings, that means she is likely alone during a good chunk of her days. I am not sure how old she is (you didn't say), but while she is your mother, she is also a single, middle-aged woman who is (likely) working and has few social avenues of her own that do not involve her work circle: she has no partner, her children are grown, and being divorced means she has whatever family ties she had originally, but also that her adult friend circle may be very small due to her being a single mother.

I am of course assuming a lot here, so you can edit this to whatever fits the reality better, but I think you did a nice thing for yourself (tying your mom's request for social time with YOUR hobby) that has blossomed into something that she no longer inherently needs you for in order to enjoy; she has her date, and obviously must be sociable enough to have gotten that far without your help, so your feelings are likely coming from the fact that your mom doesn't seem to need you anymore, and also that the thing you were doing, bringing her to "your" club, is now somewhat reversed: you're the third wheel.

Again, harsh, but the reality is that you did this, so you need to understand what it is that you did. I don't think you even did anything inherently wrong, even if it could be viewed as slightly selfish: instead of thinking up something you could do alone, you brought her to your space, and now it is her space, and you are feeling a little pushed out of it (at least, that's how the question reads). I think concerns about the holidays and the seriousness of this relationship are less important than you understanding that your mother asked you for time, and you gave her what time you thought worked best for you, and now she is enjoying a social life again.

I think the best thing for both of you is to try and find some other small time you two could visit and do so in a place that is less tangled up in your (and her, apparently) hobby, so that you can help get the connection she and you want, while also continuing to enjoy the broader social circle at your LGS. You can even view this as a win: you likely felt the need to play games with her exclusively, but now that she has other people to talk to there, you can expand your own circle. You did a nice thing for your mom regardless of the ulterior motive, and it resulted in her getting herself back out there, so don't be too hard on her or yourself or even this other person. I think if anything you just need the reality check that you and your mother are adults, living your own lives, and don't lose sight of the fact that you both deserve autonomy and respect for those choices.

Also I really want to know who wins the most, but alas, you didn't tell me.

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Tags: life advice | advice | mayday miss marcy