Mayday, Miss Marcy! Bridegroomzillas, Lil Nephew, New TCG New You

Hello and welcome once again to Mayday, Miss Marcy! in which I offer you the answers to the questions you send me. I guess that isn't really a funny way of saying it, that's just actually what we do. Anyway! April is upon us, and thankfully April Fools' behind us, which means that the questions and answers you'll see here are certified organic, fresh, and not foolish. Last week, your intrepid advice giving maestra was unfortunately sick, and while I am recovering a bit, it's certainly taking a while!

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Have a question you want answered on just about anything you’d need advice on in this grand hobby space of ours? Board games, 40k, AOS, TTRPGs, MTG, anything and everything that we cover, we can help with!

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Last time on Mayday, Miss Marcy, we talked about how to handle unruly LGS guests, being alone in a club, and the rising cost of things. Sadly, since the time I answered that last question, gas for me has gone up about an entire 2 dollars, so I don't think I can report much good news on that front for anyone... Anyway! On to this week's questions!

Mentoring Mindfully

Dear Marcy,

I have a younger stepbrother (age 16) who is a bit of a shut in and doesn't have a lot of motivation outside of playing on his laptop. I want to make an effort to take him to my LGS to find so he could find something he be interested in and pick up a hobby. Do you have any advice in picking up a game or hobby or something that could be beginner hobby friendly? I'm personally familiar with MTG or 40k and would be ok with hopping into a new system to play with him.

From Hobby Finders of VA.

Dear Hobby Finders,

I appreciate your concern for your stepbrother, and considering the current landscape of things online, particularly for young men, I think there's a fairly good reason to be concerned about spending too much time on the internet alone; the last thing we need is another Manosphere loser, that's for sure. I think what I'd consider though is what does he actually seem interested in? For example, you mention that you like 40k and MtG, but do you know if he has any particular interest in either of those things? Because otherwise you run the risk of forcing him into a hobby that he doesn't have any initial desire to participate in, which can also breed resentment (i.e., views it as you making him do something he doesn't want).

If I had to pick between the two of them, I'd probably go with MTG, because 40k requires far more time, money, and investment than it initially seems. Unless you believe him to be the type to be interested in picking up snippers, glue, and paint, I don't know if 40k would be the 'dip my toe in' option unless he's expressed some sort of interest in the hobby at all. That said, you could also consider board games, especially if your LGS has a board gaming night.

My other suggestion, although it may seem counterintuitive, is to ask if you know what he does on his laptop. Does he play a certain game, or certain types of games? Because spending time with him that way is also totally valid; if he's into shooters, for example, finding a way to play with him and spending time with him there can help you bond, and then you two could perhaps find something else to do that takes you "out of the house" in the pursuit of it: picking up a pizza for the night, or something, that would let you two leave the house, talk, and then spend time doing something he enjoys. I hope some of this helps, and I think your heart is in the right place!

Just Not in the Cards

Miss Marcy,

I have been a card game player for most of my life (I'm 31), but lately I have quit all of them and moved to tabletop wargames. I have been happy with my decisions, but the majority of my friends who I met through Magic don't seem to understand it. Is there a way I can lightly tell them I am not coming back to Magic or FaB unfortunately without grilling them and their hobby? I have been asked every time I have seen them at the LGS, and at this point I want to say "I'd rather die than spend $200 on a booster box of worthless crap again" in no uncertain terms.

- From, TheInsulinDependentWargamer

Dear IDW,

I probably don't suggest that particular answer, since I don't know if your friends don't understand, as much as they seem to miss playing with or socializing with you, and don't know how to particularly go about doing so now that you've exited that hobby. They aren't likely to come join you at the table for 40k, and you don't seem interested in rejoining them at the table for Magic, so it may just be that they are curious or asking in an effort to hint that they'd like to play a game with you again.

Of course, that doesn't mean you should, and if their questioning is becoming a little too grilling on its own, you could probably push back politely at first and say that you just haven't quite found enjoyment in Magic or Flesh and Blood the way you currently at with 40k (or whatever tabletop game it is you're playing). You deserve to spend your hobby time on yourself, and there's really nothing wrong with saying that to people and establishing that you are, actually, happy with what you're doing. I think there is sometimes a resistance to that from others when they are unsure of, or feel left out of, a newfound happiness, and in some ways that is fair; you used to play with them, now you don't, and you seem to be a lot happier, so there can be some lingering feelings that maybe they weren't providing you with that happiness.

To play devil's advocate, though, is there really no way to play something with them occasionally? I'm asking this mostly in the casual sense, as in do they play something like Commander or some format that isn't exceptionally competitive and constantly up to date with new cards and meta chasing? Because if so, there really isn't anything wrong with finding a way to maintain some level of socialization with them. Or, even, if you like to hang out with them, just stop by their table while they play and catch up with them and chat a bit. That may be all they really want.

Something Borrowed, Something Ew

Dear Ms. Marcy,

I went to my first GT for 40k a couple months back, I'd played a few tournaments hosted by my LGS but nothing at this scale before. I had some weird experiences though and wanted to ask for your advice with how to deal with it, it's been some time since it all happened but I've realized I've been stewing on it since then.

This was a GT hosted by Warzone games, a large organizer in my area (the southeast), but it was hosted as a bachelor party for a notable player in the circuit, I'll call him Brently. I guess I should've thought that was a little weird but this was a public event advertised on BCP with 60 players, and it worked with my schedule so me and a friend signed up.

The event space was at a brewery, meaning close quarters, plenty of beer, and not enough AC to cut the 'gamer scent', also the brewery didn't shut down for this so people were coming in and wandering through the games trying to have dinner, hangouts, or dates all around the tournament. I also discovered when I arrived that several of the players and one of the TOs were Brently's groomsmen.

I was paired into Brently for my first round of the day, my army had been hit with nerfs just before so I ended up with a pretty rough list- but that's alright, I was mainly there for the painting contest. Brently was taking a very strong meta list with barely three colors on them but even worse was wearing a tank top covered in cropped hentai images, and using objective markers with lewd anime girls on them. He made several jokes about the markers being his "lucky girls" and asked which one I wanted to be my home objective. I'm a married man, but even were I not-gross, I felt super uncomfortable about this but was clearly the outsider here so just picked a random one to get the game over with. We started deployment and he went first, as I was starting my turn though the groomsmen TO showed up and said one of the terrain pieces in my deployment zone was incorrect and changed it to one much larger effectively blocking most of my army into my deployment zone. I tried to say something to Brently about it but he mostly brushed it off saying that we'd have to completely restart and it was the correct terrain piece anyway. I was kind of just resigned at this point so we played through and I got obliterated by turn 4.

I hated this experience but then through the weekend it just got worse, there was a distinct line between the players in the bachelor party and those just there for the GT. Being a brewery the groomsmen all got pretty drunk by about lunch and many had similar anime girl stickers or shirts. This all was happening as random people and families were coming through trying to enjoy their weekend, trying as hard as they could to avoid the groomsmen.

I played my five games, and tried asking the TOs when the paint judging would happen as I kept my army in my case outside of rounds but had a display board to put out when it was time- I was told they'd "make sure to check around during the rounds". In the end the person who won was the guy who played all three games next to the bachelor table where the TO hung out and had a very plainly painted black/red Dark Angels army (no shame on him, I have no beef with this man it's just the facts). I felt like I'd wasted a weekend and that I'd never really been considered for it, and worst of all I felt embarrassed to be known as a 40k player by all those patrons who came in and only saw the bachelor party.

I guess my question is: Is this a "normal" experience for GTs/larger tournaments, I have to assume it isn't but is there anything I can do about it? I feel like it was a pretty obvious conflict of interest for the groomsman to be the TO and also felt like I would literally never want my wife, friends, or family to come to something like this to support or visit me. I don't really want to go back out to more tournaments in my area because I know there's a good chance Brently will be at those and many are hosted by Warzone. I'm sorry for the length, I won't be offended if you cut it down, but I appreciate any guidance you can provide.

Thank you,

Tormented Tournamenter

Dear Tormented,

Wow. Well, my reply is "ew", but I also decided to grab Rob for this one, so take it away, Rob!

Rob "TheChirugeon" Jones:

Hey there Tormented,

That sucks, and I'm sorry to hear that. This is a tough one to answer because I find that these types of situations are both not typical of events but sadly too common in the space. Events are run by people after all, and subject to the bullshit that entails. Though it's not normal for events to brook that level of bullshit - I'd avoid going to events run by that organizer and their friends in the future, because that kind of behavior is pretty gross.

The good news is that these days there are tons of events and it's likely there will be other events in your area which you can attend. Talk to friends about recommendations, check the group running the event in Best Coast Pairings, and just be choosy about your events. If you're really concerned, consider hitting up some of the bigger events - The GW US Open series are great events which are well run and have a much more professional atmosphere, and the Frontline Gaming Events are also well run. Ask your local group about good TOs and events in the area so you can avoid bad events - there are too many events now to put up with ones that are run like shit.

A few quickfire notes:

The terrain change is some bullshit and you are correct to be upset about it. If the TO isn't willing to back the game up there's nothing you can do and your opponent sounds like a shithead for not giving you some kind of concession on it after playing it wrong. That said, if things look off or non-symmetrical before the game, it's on you to double check and make sure that's right.
Best Painted judging is tricky and rife with issues. I've had my share of qualms with judging at local events in my area. My advice is to not take that particular part of the event too seriously at local events - the people judging are usually doing other stuff and can't devote the time necessary, and even then it's highly subjective. It sounds like you didn't get a fair shake and I've seen that happen plenty of times but when that happens try not to complain about the winner, especially if you didn't get a good look at their army. And be sure to know how scoring is done before the event - there may be some rubric in place where they hit items you didn't.
You can both choose to not use the shitty objective markers with "no I'll use my own, thanks" and also just not play this person in the future. Take the loss and go get lunch/head home early. It sends a powerful signal that you won't put up with that shit and unless you think you have a good shot at winning the event it's not worth spending your time to play a shitty game with a loser covering their army in stuff that makes you uncomfortable to be around.

Jet Fuel Melts Steel Dreams

Dear Miss Marcy,

This one's a historical question. I have encountered several individuals who are big Guard fans, I would say in fact that they are "Guard people." If you asked me to define Guard people, it would be individuals who have built an identity (mostly connected to 40k... mostly) around playing Guard, even if they have, for instance, quit many editions ago.

These individuals have tended to cite the recent lack of a Steel Legion release other than Yarrick as proof that GW specifically hates them. This is strange to me because it feels more organized than a comparable sentiment from other fields. When I say this I mean that I have encountered at least four individuals with this sentiment, and this is excluding open sewers websites such as Reddit.

Is there some cultural or social history behind this, or did 5E Guard simply make you salty? Or was the salt what brought them to run guard?

--Remembrancing is Equivalent to Endorserancing

Dear Remembrancing,

I think that regardless of what GW ends up doing (based on whatever rumors I've seen floating around and other nonsense), it is kind of important to always view things they do from a business decision, not a "I hate this particular fan the most" decision. Steel Legion were just not as popular as people want to pretend they were in terms of sales, and Death Korps models are, which can also then just be easily converted into Steel Legion anyway. There certainly are a lot of Astra Militarum types, but it doesn't make a ton of business sense to produce entire lines of "just slightly different" models such as DKoK AND Steel Legion, as opposed to running DKoK, Catachans, Tallarn, and Cadian.

But I don't think that these "Guard people" are all that unique. They're really just "My Guys" people, who have assigned most of their hobby identity to a specific aspect of an army. They aren't really any different than Space Marine players who only specifically yearn for one chapter specifically, or any other niche thing. I think a better, and less polite, way of saying this is that these are poseurs who want to attach their identity to liking something that isn't very popular and thus fits very nicely into a venn diagram of "deep enough into the lore to not be casual," but "not popular enough to be well represented in the hobby". I'm not even really picking on 40k players only here, this is a very common thing in other gaming circles as well. A good corollary to fighting games would be the person who only picks low tier characters so they can complain about how tormented they are by Capcom or ArcSys for playing that character. Instead of focusing on having fun or bringing their hobby to life, they focus instead on a state of perdition as proof of their supposed love for a hobby that is better than yours.

Ignore these people.

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Tags: advice | mayday miss marcy