Howdy ‘Mechwarriors and welcome back to another Goonhammer BattleTech Tournament Report! This weekend my friend Connor and I made one hell of a drive to the South Carolina Classic to meet up with Lynn and another friend of ours for another tournament! The day was a grand time and getting to spend any amount of time with friends is always nice as well! As always thank you to the TO and all their support staff as well as anyone who came along to play!

As usual I’ve got to extol my usual byline of the tournament series which is that Competition is, of course, still fun and that I love a good challenge! The South Carolina Classic was a grand time and an interesting puzzle of a packet that I’ve done my best to work with to make a list that is genuinely idiotic and if it does work should only do so on the back of the vast violence which it may reap upon all those who would dare oppose(be assigned against) me.

Now, with that in mind, let’s get onto it and get eyes on yet another day of chasing outcomes, solving problems, and killin’ folk.

All of my favorite activities!!!

(On Tabletop, of course.)

South Carolina Classic: 2025

This is the inaugural year of the tournament and it went, in my opinion, very well! While there were some understandable hiccups the TO, Hoovie, did a wonderful job keeping everything online and on the move! Now, being its first year, SCC is no SAV which honestly is good. As fun as SAV was, it was also a lot and a very busy day. Something a touch smaller and more down home is just what I need! With a little over 30 people SCC is about the perfect size for a 3 round tournament and was shaping up with some fun side considerations for the day! I am not going to explain the event’s rounds because Peri already did that in their attempt on my life a few days ago so you can find a breakdown of the scenarios here!

Our Airbnb was a cool old house that was absolutely titanic… and also at the bottom of an old holler that genuinely felt like I was going to die driving down into it. I don’t know how you grade a road that probably rates over like 60% or some shit but good god that was horrifying.

We had planned for 5 people and gotten a house accordingly. Unfortunately Peri came down with a case of ‘having responsibilities to the government’ and as such had to stay behind. Note that, scheming vizier that they are, they attempted to use this issue to sabotage.

I will remember such offenses into the future.

Unfortunately this cool old house, like all cool old houses, had Airbnb disease and as such included another showing of the Pharohs tomb… 5 showings of it, actually. There was not a soft bed one in the house, if’n I'm honest.

For breakfast I was actually without my medically mandated combat stims so we continued on to the traditionally dictated Waffle House that was genuinely next door to the event. I said it last time and I’ll gladly say it again: I am a slut for reasonably priced breakfast foods. I therefore get the same thing I get whenever we go to Waffle House: an All Star Special with Sunny-Side-Up Eggs, Hashbrowns, Texas Toast, a Chicken Breast, and a plain Waffle.

God Bless the Hurricane severity Indicator 9000.

With breakfast ingested, coffee injected, bills paid, and a day of games ahead of us we made our way across the road with our mini boxes and badges in tow! We got there on time for once which is a pleasant change that led to us hanging out and chatting with some other players about the lists we had all brought! So, what did I bring?

—

The List

So, there’s a mild problem here:

This is a Jihad era tournament.

This would usually be fine but that, unfortunately, restricts me from running a funny Marshal list. Note that this isn’t because the Fronc Reaches don’t exist yet but only because the Jihad era is very… flat? Everyone really gets everything and the Periphery nations at large don’t exactly have their fun specialty toys to play with. Namely the Reaches lack the Marshal 6FR, Tinstars, and a few other funny toys I love of theirs. So what can we do to be funny?

Simple: The packet allows 40 points of pulse damage and taking two of the same unit. Not two of the same chassis, two of the same UNIT. That’s right, I can have two of the exact same guy. As well BA are allowed and the only skill restriction is that they must be within 2 on the skill scale.

Now, with that in mind, what horrors do I have in the model box? Oh, simple. Remember how I said Peri was sick in the SAV article? Well they got me sick. In my sickness and the miasma of a cold medicine fueled nap the Goliath Scorpion spoke to me. I awoke, drenched in sweat and muttering something to myself:

“I can run two of them. I can be twice as funny.”

Ya know that linked story set I did on the front of the Spartan, Lancelot, and Battlecobra? Remember how they had some other friends? Yea, they’re back. Meet my friend, Seeker Darius, and his Yeomen Carver and Pauleen also known as ‘Two Bears Highfiving’:

Seeker Darius knows what you have. Hand it over. - Credit: Liberty

THAT’S RIGHT, I DID FORSHADOWING. Pay attention. I will continue to do this because it is incredibly funny. Anyhow there’s also two points of Nighthawk XXI PA(L) suits here to act as the tag along ‘guys to grab stuff’ assistance.

So, what’ve we got?

‘The Sear-man’ Seeker Darius: A Lancelot C at 4/5, a great cavalry ‘Mech that does a very good job of supporting the big bears in their endeavors to deliver wanton hate and destruction across the field. This hunts lights, beats on heavies, and, conceptually, can do objective work!

‘The Twins’ Yeoman Carver and Yeoman Pauleen: A pair of Kodiak Standards each at 4/5. I’ve extolled the virtues and graces of the Kodiak enough. It is a machine that kills people. It is god’s angriest bear and one of Battletech’s ultimate apex predators that simply strides at anything that deigns to share a table with it while dispensing the burning fire of hate, photons, missiles, and cannon shells. Rip and Tear, big bear, Rip and Tear.

‘The Mooks’ Just some dudes: Night Hawk XXI PA(L)s are… 2 armor suits with a Mauser laser rifle. That’s it. Note that they don’t have mag clamps and I don’t have any Omnis. They are here to sit in the backline and burn activations as they bounce around waiting for the Seeker to find something good.

I’ve got beef. I’ve got a light hunter. I’ve got… literally just some little guys. I’ve got it all and anyone that disagrees is wrong and you shouldn’t listen to them for they are obviously an enemy of the Goliath Scorpion and its desires for your destiny.

And what a Destiny it is. Let’s go find a Brian Cache, together.

It’ll be a fun 30 minute adventure, I promise.

—

The Fit

So, I’ll be honest. I had an idea for the Scorpion Empire/Escorpion Imperio but I wasn’t sure it was exactly… culturally sensitive. I might still do it at some point but unfortunately not this time. Add on top that I really couldn’t actually get everything in time to do it so I just ended up wearing the exact same thing as last time.

Well, to start, what didn’t change? Starting off we’ve got the familiar pair of boots, handmade leather belt, dirty great big old great coat, in the proper weather this time, and properly fitted black Stetson Bozeman. I didn’t do the handlebar mustache, I’ve been growing out the beard and as such rounded it off and oiled it. Pair that with a new, straight fit green button up shirt and the newest mascot to be added to my TO&E of little guys: Seeker Scorpanaut! He’s adorable and I love him because he’s got little magnet claws so you can make him grab onto shit. It’s adorable.

… Also I still need to get a poncho, a kinda-sorta vaquero fit would’ve done a good job for the vibe here.

—

Round 1: You’re Sending Me an Invite to a Networking Event

Seeker, are we not supposed to be looting buildings not destroying them? What? This is the gatehouse on the way into the cache proper? If you say so!

Round 1 was between myself and a quite new player by the name of West playing a Draconis Combine list! Great guy that was on his 2nd game of Battletech ever! That said he said he’s played a fair bit of other wargames like Warhammer and it showed! Aside from the occasional rules question or asking me for some assistance with running down TNs and checking heat math he held his own!

The Combine's Best Heavy Demi-Company - Credit: Liberty

This fight was a bloodbath. To kick us off he had a rather well built and heavy list that he said his friends, who have been getting him into the wonderful world of Battletech, gave him a hand with! The forces that dared stand before Darius and his Star were accounted for and set:

Catapult CPLT-K2K at 3/5
Warhammer WHM-7K at 3/5
Grasshopper GHR-7K at 4/5
Grand Dragon DRG-5K at 4/5
Spider SDR-7K at 4/5

I will be honest: I killed this man. I killed him a lot.

By turn five the Spider was in forced withdrawal with a missing side torso due to prolonged exposure to Lancelot C. At the same time the Warhammer and Dragon were being turned into shambling mounds by exposure to the Demon Core that is Two-Fucking-Kodiaks. The Grasshopper has been unconscious since round 3 and one Kodiak is bearing, heh, down on the objective building while the other is about to turn the Grasshopper into dust followed shortly by the Warhammer. I then identified his Commander as the Grand Dragon, then missing its leg, and moved all of my ‘Mechs into position to called-shot CT the thing squarely into the center of the earth while the K2K and the gasping breath of the Dragon did their best to put down my identified CO in one of the Kodiaks.

BEAT HIM. BEAT THE DRAGON TO DEATH. RIP HIM TO SHREADS AND SCATTER HIM TO THE WINDS. - Credit: Liberty

BEAT HIM. BEAT THE DRAGON TO DEATH. RIP HIM TO SHREDS AND SCATTER HIM TO THE WINDS. - Credit: Liberty

All in all I killed everything here except that Catapult and the Spider, which was actively running away because it was crippled. Note that this is only because of time and the fact that by killing both the building and the commander I had officially hit a victory condition and ended the game anyhow.

I have won my first round of the day: 98 - 5.

Round 2: I’m In the Garden, Eating All the Dirt.

MREs? Seeker I hardly think this is imperative on our mission to breach the Brian Ca- STOP SHOOTING ME IN THE FUCKING HEAD. IT’S LOUD, AND HOT, AND IT MAKES THE SPEAKERS SKIP. IT’S PISSING ME O-

This is, genuinely, one of the funniest games of Battletech I have ever played. My opponent, a reader by the name of Josh who apparently goes by ‘Crunchy’- because his brother got set on fire at a game and was thus so named Crispy??? -is playing an upskilled good-at-their-job ComGuard list consisting of a fair few good-shit™ ‘Mechs:

A King Crab KGC-001
A Griffin GRF-2N
A Fenris D
A Firemoth H
And a pair of Kobold (GL/Flamer)s

No, you can't do this. I've paid my HPG bills to call home and have laid rightful claim to this Brian Cache. It's mine, fuck off. - Credit: Liberty

When I say this game was hilarious I mean it. By round 3 there was a Kodiak on the floor next to an absolutely obliterated Firemoth that had somehow survived being hit by 3 cLPLs from the Lancelot and a squad of Kobolds that were looking hungrily. At the poor man. Next turn the Lancelot meanders up, kills the fenris off the damage the downed Kodiak had done and then stomps the engine out of the Fire Moth while the Kodiak thrashes the Kobold squad into forced withdrawl. Meanwhile the other Kodiak is advancing, bounding angrily on towards the distant King Crab.

He's just standing back there... MENACINGLY!!! - Credit: Liberty

He will be doing this for the next 3 turns.

With both fast movers dead my boxes are safe a- THE DOWNED KODIAK GETS SHOT IN THE HEAD WITH 3 FUCKING FLAMERS FROM THE KOBOLDS? HE’S AWAKE? Yea he uh… he rolled 3 headshots on the same flamer cluster from the Kobolds.

Fucking OW. Both of us are doubled over laughing at this point and the TO, and TO’s assistant, are here watching and laughing their asses off with us.

The Lancelot, now free of the fast boys coming after his beloved MRE stores moves on to harass the Griffin. NOTE: We had MREs for lunch for the gag, I had Chilli Mac, shit was good. Very good gag, many thanks to Connor for procuring them. As it does this the Kodiak on the floor props up and misses all 4 lasers and fails to lock both streak boxes on the untouched squad of Kobolds getting ready to leap into his hex… UAC hits though.

Making my way down map, walking fast and I'm Crab bound! - Credit: Liberty

One man is turned into a fine mist, giving the rest of the squad a significant emotional event before they leap into the Bear’s hex next turn and get put into forced withdrawl by another thrash.

NOT BEFORE THEY ALSO SHOOT HIM IN THE GOD DAMNED HEAD AGAIN. Interestingly he does not pass out on the 10+ but he does take an engine hit to go with his gyro hit, putting him into forced withdrawl.

Next turn he does his best to adhere to the call of FW, going to do his best to get up… which he fails… and eats shit on, taking the head hit. He does not make the 11+ and as such goes unconscious this turn before being put out of his misery by fire from the fall critting the engine the rest of the way. What a terribly painful way to die. Yeoman Carver is gonna be in the infirmary for a while after that one.

At the same time the Lancelot is ripping up the Griffin that is far too hot, forcing a PSR which it fails. After the Griffin gets up it’s only got enough steam to make a step forward into the woods after which the Lancelot steps into its back arc, blows the SRM ammo and knocks it down again. It is in FW but as it falls it also fully destroys the gyro the rest of the way, forcing it to eject, according to the TO.

Forced withdrawal is fuckin’ weird.

Turn after that the other Kodiak, under fire from the King Crab, continues its advance until such a point as it gets in close and sets up a good shot on the offending assault. It doesn’t do a whole lot but it does dink an SRM off the glass which is a funny comeuppance for her husband. Next turn she stands still, staring down the King Crab and readying an absolute hammer blow to rip the machine off the ta-

Lancelot blows the King Crabs head off from downtown in an attempt to open up some holes for the bear to exploit… The Kodiak, and myself, despair at the lack of ultra violence it gets to dispense in this moment.

NO, SEEKER THAT ONE WAS MINE! COME ON!!! - Credit: Liberty

The Lancelot has killed every ‘Mech on this table. The Kodiak that was downed crippled both BA. The last Kodiak was blueballed as she made her way all the way across the table in pursuit of glorious Assault on Assault violence.

What the fuck even was this game?

I win 49 - 39 in an ending that had my opponent on the floor laughing and me doubled over clutching my temples doing my best not to follow him to the floor in a fit of laughter all the same. We end with a dead Kodiak, a crippled Kodiak and the pilot of the dead Kodiak in the infirmary for like a year after 5 head hits from the kobolds. Yeoman Carver will be having nightmares of this fight for the rest of his life.

10/10 game, would play this man again.

—

Round 3: Chandelier Comes Down, Did You Bring Enough Bullets?

Seeker, we have reached the Cache. Sensors indicate the presence of a Clan Wolf Cavalry Star. Bid received, advancing.

I AM THE KODIAK. I AM DEATH ON LEGS. IT’S TIME TO KILL.

So, Round 3 was against another local by the name of Kyle running a Clan Wolf Delta Galaxy Cavalry Star with some add on AP Gauss Elemental support. This fight going down on long edge on the Tukayid mountain road map is a big problem. This map loves mobility and jump jets and, short of my BA, I don’t really have either of those. Add in the random, level 2, Union that seems to have landed in the middle of the map and we’ve got one hell of a broken up map for some Kodiaks to operate in.

So, what has Clan Wolf bid to stop Seeker Darius’ quest?

A Linebacker E at 3/5
A Shadow Cat TC at 3/5
A Pouncer C at 3/5
An Ice Ferret B at 3/5
A Point of AP Gauss Elementals at 4/4

The Dirty Wolves mean to steal Seeker Darius' Prize. He knows what you have. Hand it over. - Credit: Liberty

The Dirty Wolves mean to steal Seeker Darius' Prize. - Credit: Liberty

This is a very high speed low drag kind of force with some alright guns and real threat potential if played right in this kind of environment. We just did an article about it but the game of better numbers cannot be overstated. If Kyle keeps on me right and splits my force with bait then I’m in trouble of losing a Kodiak, and probably the Lancelot.

Unfortunately, to Peri’s chagrin I am sure, this does not happen. Once the fighting gets going I start killing things at a rate of about one per turn. There’s about 3 turns of shuffling for position before the Kodiak gets a real good hold of the Ice Ferret and everything goes downhill from there. It explodes in a font of glorious violence followed by the Pouncer that gets a little too close to the Lancelot and Kodiak who knock it down and then finish the job.

The Linebacker comes out to tangle with one of the Kodiaks but the terrain slows it down enough for the Bear to lean into it two turns in a row which knocks it down, unfortunately putting the pilot unconscious as it falls. Followed up by the Kodiak ripping it in half and the Elementals popping the leg off one of the Kodiaks.

Second to last turn the upright guys wipe out the Shadow Cat while the Elementals do their best to chew up the downed Kodiak fishing for the myriad explosives in its open locations left behind by the Linebackers, honestly very effective, HE salvos. Unfortunately for Kyle, and fortunately for Carver who’s getting tired of trips to the medbay, the Elementals largely just break the gun and the engine leaving him without further CTE events.

Final turn the list turns and finishes off the Elementals.

I killed them. I killed them all.

On my end the The Lancelot wasn’t breached anywhere but the armor was nearly gone on every location but the CT and both Kodiaks had taken an alright beating, one more so than the other due to the shear hate an ATM can put out.

Both of us had crossed the center of the map in the fight and as such got those points while he got points for popping the Night Hawks and I got full points for wiping his force.

And the 3rd win 105 - 26.

Peri’s gonna be pissed.

The Awards

THAT’S RIGHT FUCKERS, 4 IN A ROW, BEST OVERALL AND BEST COMMANDER! I AM A GOLDEN GOD!!! I only took home the trophy for best overall but I was 46 points ahead of the next guy, my round 2 opponent, actually!

God I love killing folk.

For the trophy I took home a real big printed Thunderbolt which I will be painting up in Colonial Marshals colors and a ‘Borealis’ print that is a proxy for the Aurora class Dropship… that will also be painted in Marshals colors. What can I say, I’m very predictable.

I CAN'T STOP WINNING! - Credit Liberty

This tournament was a great time and an absolute blast! I don’t think I’ve been to a ‘first year’ tournament yet and if I’m honest it’s a lot of fun! Especially going to a place that far from home and finding out what other BT metas looks like really helps shape ideas and plans for future events and friends to call up if I’m ever in the area! As much as competition is at the forefront of my mind a good host of new friends is always nice to drum up and have on hand!

Now, that’s another win in the ledger and the sun setting on the town of Greenville.

Steak Time.

Dinner

WINNER WINNER STEAK FOR DINNER

We… well we tried to go to a local place again but they were packed to the gills with a 1.5 hour wait time at 8:30… for a place that closed at 10:30. Well that ain’t gonna work.

As such we ended up at the agreed upon fallback: Longhorn. Honestly among the American chain steak houses it’s probably the best of them. A T-onion could fix me. A T-onion could fix all of us.

Tastes like victory

Unfortunately without Peri around this time Connor and I could not torture them on teh drive home by barehanding our steaks as we made the incredibly long drive home. I mean that didn’t stop us from doing it, just took some of the spice out of the action.

Final Thoughts

Let’s be honest, there wasn’t a meme this time. I answered this question before. Kodiaks can and will win tournaments. They just like killing folks. It’s what they do. So what’s next?

Well, an even longer drive up to Kentucky for Brawl in the Bluegrass! A trip that we should all be able to make this time! We’ve got some real stupid lists lined up for this one and all the events going on around it look like absolute blasts so keep an eye out for that article set when March rolls around!

No hints this time, I’m afraid, I’m still hammering on tweaking the list idea since the stupid-o-meter I was allowing myself to play with really hinged on whether or not I won this one. I am still not yet free of the tournament march and must continue on until I am defeated or hit such a point that I need not prove anything further.

Remember, even with this copious talk of tournaments, my adoration of competition, and gunning for a win, what matters is having a good time and doing it all with a smile on your face. All the ‘mech reviews, the pretty plastic and the shiny mathrocks aren’t worth a damn if you don’t use them to have fun with friends! So go grab a drink, a good pack of snacks, your favorite game partner(s), a box of funny ‘mechs, a cozy spot, and a fun map then get to making some good memories, at home or at a tournament!

Until next time! Fair weather, good seas and happy gamin’! Go tear shit up out there and have fun! Also, keep an eye on your Viziers lest they scheme to undermine your ever driving march towards victory and total dominance.

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Tags: tournament | Battletech | Kodiak | Lancelot | South Carolina Classic